Go Reconnect!!

I think about people...I think about them all the time. Family, Friends, 'once-upon a time' friends, ex-crushes..even acquaintances. I think about each of them. At the same time when it comes to keeping in touch, I find that hard..very hard.
As time goes by, friends grow out of friendships and grow into their individual lives(not in a bad way..it's a natural order of things). Even the most closest ones start drifting away and you realize that holding on seems like a colossal and herculean task. As the years go by, keeping in touch becomes increasingly difficult.

Then there are some that you just stop being friends with at some point and never really understand why or if you do, your ego just keeps you from being friends again.

A couple of days back, I lay in bed thinking (my favorite past time until sleep
eludes me) about my 'once upon a time' and 'now out of touch friends'...friends I've shared some wonderful times and made some beautiful memories with. And then I thought of some friends I've been reckless with. I always wanted to write to them all to tell them how much and how fondly I think of them. The ones I'd been unreasonable with, I wanted to tell them I am sorry but I was too scared. I didn't know if they wanted me anymore. The fear of getting rejected was so intense that I never mustered the will to even 'try' to get in touch with them. So, the 'mix of uncertainty and procrastination' got the better of me. I put off writing for days, weeks, months..sometimes years together.

Then, on an impulse, I jumped out of bed and turned my laptop on. I shot random emails to the 'people' that occupied my thoughts. I wasn't sure if anyone would reply. But I did anyway..The 'Hi's and hello's and also the 'sorry s'. I finally hit the bed feeling good and in a certain sense relieved. Surprisingly, I fell asleep in a matter of seconds..

To my utmost surprise, the replies started pouring in...Some of them prompt, some not so prompt but I heard back from every single one of them. Each reply was brimming with details of their lives..One of them had moved into a new house ..she also sent pics. Another one was having a baby explaining how funny she felt about her baby bump. Someone had just been married after a very long courtship. One told me how a particular song on the radio reminded them of me and one of them actually professed his secret(well not anymore) crush on me.

Well! Not all replies were warm and friendly. Some carried hurt and anger..even pain from how our friendships 'ended' on a sour note. Yet I could sense the subtle 'I've missed you' undertone in them. I felt glad that despite the 'unfortunate endings' they had found the heart to write to me and share their pain, anger and confusion over what had transpired between us.

Each reply just overwhelmed me! The events were different, some details were pleasant, some not so pleasant but each reply had one common theme - 'I've thought of you so often...'I'm so happy to hear from you'..'I knew that someday you would write'..

It felt so wonderful to reconnect....to learn about their lives and in some cases realize how my actions had caused hurt, allowing me the chance to repair a few relationships. The feeling was just plain nice!! (A friend of mine tells me that 'nice' is a very good word)

As I read each reply all over again, I wondered to myself, Why do we always wait? Why do we never create an opportunity to connect with the people who mean so much to us. Those who in some way are still a part of our lives and occupy that one little corner in our hearts. If we have caused hurt and we know it, why do we refrain from saying sorry. Why do we fear that they may not want us anymore? Why don't we realize that they may be hurting and want us to listen to them..

As I sign off, I'd like to urge to everyone reading that if you are thinking about a long lost friend, lover or even an acquaintance, just take the chance to write to them. Go ahead and place that phone call. Don't guess about how they would feel or react..

For all you know, right this moment they are thinking about you too...wanting to hear from you..

So just do it without any expectations and be prepared to get surprised..:)Go Reconnect!!